I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
