She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
