return my video game
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
