the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
