I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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