I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
