And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
