I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
