just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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