last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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