i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
