9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
