I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
