I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
