Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
