Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
