his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
