i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just pee around me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
