my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
