Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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