Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
