she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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