haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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