No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
