There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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