nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
