Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
