i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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