I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
