3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
