Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
