you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
