If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
