Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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