the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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