only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
