So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
