I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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