It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Randomize
