I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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