Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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