They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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