she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Semen is not good for contacts.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
