in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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