i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
