what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
