everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
