1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
