I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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