I wish you could order shots online.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
