This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
